Who was my Wife?

by Jack Milani

Who was my Wife?

My wife was a lot of things.

She was that person with whom I have shared life so intimately.

She was someone with whom I could have meaningful communication.

A lively conversation where both of us try to get in our next point.

Or better than that - a silent conversation that will last for an hour or so.

Or sometimes that certain look, her clearing her throat or a squeeze of my hand provided me with complete communication.

She was a person who had much to say about everything and she had to be right part of the time.

But she knew so much about everything that she was actually right most of the time.

She held the whole family together while I was off in the war.

I always dreaded being away from for even a few days and was in agony when I had to be away from her for years.

She was a master of disciplining the children with those six little words, “Wait until your father gets home."

  

She was an antidote for this tired husband's headache giving aspirin and a relaxing neck rub.

And I know she probably would appreciate the same medicine in return when she had a headache.

She was that loving person who applied her first aid kiss and a bandage for skin knees.

She was someone who served food and water to the family pet that everyone else promised to care for.

She was the most connected person I knew with such tools as an iphone, Ipad, Laptop and a Desktop.  And she had more passwords than a Russian KGB agent.

She also did most of the family gift shopping. And was someone who made sure everyone received a birthday or anniversary card, including her mother-in-law.

My wife always stretched what little money we had by picking coupons and searching for bargains before she went shopping.

She was a gal who loved to go out to dinners.

But as a general rule only ate about the half of what she ordered and would take the rest home.

She was the one who got everything and everybody ready for the trip while I sat in the car wondering - why is she so slow?

She's was so tender, she would cry over practically nothing.

And yet she was tough enough to pull me through when it seemed the whole world had fallen around me.

She's been there to help me regain my confidence when a job or a promotion didn't come through.

She's also that wonderful person that will laugh at my jokes even thought she has heard them three, well maybe 30 times before.

She was the queen in our castle and in my life.  Her royal duties included things like changing diapers, cooking and cleaning driving kids to music lessons and attending every kind of sporting event you can think of.

She was a teacher, a doctor, a chef, family banker, family chauffeur, a coach and a lover.

She as a devout Catholic who loved to be a Eucharistic Minister, as well as making sure I always went to confession.

My wife was that mighty oak that grew at my side.

Together we bent and adjusted to what the winds of life have brought us.

Had we been unwilling to change and adapt we probably would have snapped and broken in a storm a long time ago.

And my wife is that rare beauty that's accented best by little lines around the corner of her eyes and her lips turned up in a smile.

So, who was my wife?

Well, she was simply a gift from God.

Eulogy of Anne "Nancy" Milani 

Anne Jane Milani … Nancy … was born in Newark, New Jersey, March 14, 1934.  She was the second of five children born to Marie and Bill Donnelly, Jr. 

Nancy can be defined by the word ‘family’.  She has left behind those of us who weep in bereavement, selfishly missing her, but knowing she has moved on to a better place.  She leaves behind her beloved husband, Jack – married for 63 ½ years -- and her finest accomplishments -- her children:  Mary, Peggy, John, Andy, Bill, Bobby and Dave.  The 15 grandchildren left in her legacy are:  John & Jason; Matt, Mark & Amy; Erin & Andy; Katie, Nick & Caroline; Gabby & Jack; Keel, Jacey, & Jake.    Sadly, she was predeceased by two of her grandsons:  Billy and Joey.  Nancy is also survived by her three great grandchildren:  Maddie, Johnny and Viola.  And finally, mom is survived by her four siblings, Marie, Joan, Clair and Bob.  She was predeceased by her younger brother Bill. 

“Nancy, I hope you never feel this bad in your life.”  These were the final words her father spoke to her the day before he died.   Her father was 35 years old and his death came just 6 days before my mom’s 10^th birthday.  He left his wife Marie with five children under the age of 11.  It was in this moment that mom’s world was shattered. 

In the aftermath of her father’s death, the family would move from Bloomfield, New Jersey, to the house on Sanford Avenue in Newark.  This move would involve the loss of her Bloomfield friends and a transfer of schools in the last few months of the school year.  When my mom would speak about this time in her life, it was always with a terrible sadness.  It’s in moments of deep suffering that God’s mercy is revealed.  It came from Sister Delphine – her new 5^th grade teacher at Sacred Heart School.  Sensing my mom’s loneliness and despair upon her dad’s passing, Sister Delphine took Nancy aside and taught her how to crochet.  It is not surprising that throughout my mother’s life, she would find great comfort in crocheting – a place where she could enjoy stillness -- forget about life’s hardships -- and all the while -- create something beautiful and special.

My mom would meet her beau, Jack Milani, at the Cricklewood Luncheonette, a place where all the guys from Seton Hall would hang out.  My mom had gone there with Aunt Joan, and my father saw Nancy across the room and he asked Aunt Joan: “Who is that girl?”  “That’s my sister,” Joan said, “and you should go over and introduce yourself.”

He did and their meeting would see Jack walk Nancy home that day -- accompanied by Joan and her future husband Uncle Vic.  Nancy was 17 when she met Jack.  By 19, she was married to him, and by 29, she would deliver their seventh child.  

Mom married an Army officer – but really, she married the Army.  Over the 30 years of my father’s Army career – the family moved 23 times.  As my boss in the Army used to say: “That’s a lot of curtains that don’t fit.”  By my count, we lived in 11 different states and one foreign country.  We lived in apartments, quarters, rented homes, owned homes and a couple of us even shared a cardboard box on Grandma McNabb’s dining room table.  And yet, no matter where we lived, my mom always made it feel like home. 

My mom conveyed to me recently, that the greatest loneliness she felt in her life, was when my dad departed for Vietnam, leaving her alone with seven kids under the age of 12.  My dad was 35 when he left her for the war.  Nancy had already experienced the pain of losing her own father at 35;  the thought of her children potentially experiencing a similar trauma   -- must of been disquieting and overwhelming.

As we mourn my mother’s loss, I think it important to remember that each of us defines the proud moments of her life.  Mom celebrated our successes with us, and she mourned our failures and losses as well.  Six of Nancy’s children and three of her grandchildren would become commissioned U.S. Army officers.  All would earn an Army scholarship to college.  Two of her sons would serve in Desert Storm. 

Her grandson Jason would graduate from West Point and serve as an infantry officer in both Iraq and Afghanistan.  Three of her children would retire from the Army.  Her seven kids would accrue 13 undergraduate and graduate college degrees.  One would become a published book author.  And remarkably, all the achievements of her children occurred under the guiding hand of a lady who never went to college.  I remember Mom proudly telling me that she graduated from St. Vincent’s Academy with high honors.  Indeed Mom, you did more than that -- you graduated from life -- summa cum laude. 

My mother worked hard and made many sacrifices so our lives would be better.  How she managed to put dinner on the table every night, work as a licensed real estate agent in three states, constantly move the family, set up new homes, new schools, join sports leagues, attend all of our games and meets, join the bowling team, lead scouts, choir, CCD and make our lives meaningful and rewarding -- is simply beyond my comprehension. 

  

Even more incomprehensible was her ability to fight the good fight.  She survived a liver transplant, heart valve replacement, 13 other surgical procedures, six pregnancies, diabetes, twins, -- the kids broken arms, stitches, motorcycle accidents, car accidents, ruptured fire hydrants, stolen golf carts and Dad’s sailing.  She was tough – but aren’t all Jersey girls?  Her DNA test revealed that she was 73% Irish, 15% German and 12% Middle Eastern.  Translation:  100% pure fighter.  Every time I thought my mother was down and out, she would pull a Lazarus and come back from the dead.  Even last Saturday, after eight days of hell in the ICU, she was sitting up in her chair eating pudding.  And I thought to myself – “damn if she’s not going to pull through again.”  And she almost did.  Nancy passed away 24 hours later, on a glorious and beautiful Mother’s Day.  She was a fighter until the end and she passed peacefully surrounded by her family. 

My mom didn’t run a company, or a non-profit – she wasn’t a famous scientist or inventor, and she definitely wasn’t a politician.  She was however -- and to borrow crocheting terminology – she was the ‘loop, wrap and chain’ -- that held us all together.  

There comes a time in any crochet project when you realize you made a mistake a few stitches back, or worse, a few rows . . . or worst, MANY rows, and the only way to remedy your mistake is to unravel all the stitches back to that point and start again. There’s no way around it. And as annoying as it is to see all your progress being pulled apart, sometimes the only way to move forward is to unravel, deconstruct, and then start again, stitch by stitch.

Mom was my great unravel-er.  I suspect for all of us -- mom did a lot of unraveling.  Even though the process of unraveling is frustrating and painful, mom endured it along with us, putting us back together in a stronger more purposeful way. 

While Nancy has moved on, so much of her is left behind – her love of her Catholic faith, her cooking, her love of puzzles and word games, her laugh, her sense of humor, her smiling face – her crafts … needle point, clothes – who could forget our bicentennial bell bottoms and matching vests?  Dad’s Tiger vest or his Big Red One socks -- or embroidered shirts, scarves – a lot of scarves.  Curtains, valances -- afghans, blankets -- even grocery bag purses and St. Patrick’s Day Shamrocks -- you name it – mom made it and a lot of it.  All these things will forever be a reminder of her creativity and genius.  

  

If you ever feel like you miss mom, grab one of her afghans and wrap yourself in it.  She has embedded her thoughts, her hopes, her dreams – her very essence in the material of every creation.   A part of her soul permeates through each pattern and design -- and its texture and feel – is our connection to her strength -- her courage -- her love -- and her faith in each of us. 

In a conversation with my mom two years ago, I asked her how she wanted to be remembered.  She said: “I just want to be remembered as a nice person who was always friendly.”  Mom, I think you nailed it. 

I’ll end with this poem that I received from a family friend this week:

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord, please pick a bunch for me. 

Place them in my Mother’s arms, and tell her they’re from me.

Tell her that I love and miss her, and when she turns to smile,

Place a kiss upon her cheek, and hold her for a while.

Because remembering her is easy, I do it every day.

But there’s an ache within my heart that will never go away. 

Rest in peace, Mom.  We love you! 

Your loving son,

Bobby

An interview with Mom on her life.

Who's Who?

As we celebrated Nancy's life this weekend, we enjoyed the company of so many of our relatives and shared many memories of my mom's life and our growing up as cousins.  Anne Marie Kervick brought this photo of all the cousins taken at a family reunion in 1967, when my father returned from Vietnam.   We played a game of who's who?  And it took us about an hour to fill in all the blanks.  I think we have it right -- but please let me know if we have erred.  

Funeral Mass for Anne Jane "Nancy" Milani

1^st Reading.  Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31

10 Who can find^* a woman of worth?  Far beyond jewels is her value.  11 Her husband trusts her judgment; he does not lack income. 12 She brings him profit, not loss, all the days of her life.  13 She seeks out wool and flax and weaves with skillful hands.

19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle. 20 She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy. 21 She is not concerned for her household when it snows— all her charges are doubly clothed.

30 Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Acclaim her for the work of her hands, and let her deeds praise her at the city gates.

Responsorial Psalm.

Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants,
beyond my fears, from death into life.

1 God is my shepherd, so nothing shall I want,
I rest in the meadows of faithfulness and love,
I walk by the quiet waters of peace.

2 Gently you raise me and heal my weary soul,
you lead me by pathways of righteousness and truth,
my spirit shall sing the music of your name.

3 Though I should wander the valley of death,
I fear no evil, for you are at my side,
your rod and your staff, my comfort and my hope.

4 You have set me a banquet of love
in the face of hatred,
crowning me with love beyond my power to hold.

5 Surely your kindness and mercy
follow me all the days of my life;
I will dwell in the house of my God forevermore.

2nd Reading.  Romans 14:7-12

Whether we live or die, we are the Lord's.

A reading from the Letter of Saint Paul to the Romans

7 None of us lives for oneself, and no one dies for oneself. 8 For if we live, we live for the Lord, and if we die, we die for the Lord; so then, whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s.  9 For this is why Christ died and came to life, that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.  10 Why then do you judge your brother? Or you, why do you look down on your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God; 11 for it is written: “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bend before me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.” 12 So [then] each of us shall give an account of himself [to God].

Gospel.  Matthew 11:25-30

You have hidden these things from the wise and the learned and have revealed them to the childlike.

A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew

25 At that time Jesus said in reply, “I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.  26 Yes, Father, such has been your gracious will.  27 All things have been handed over to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son wishes to reveal him. 28 “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest.  29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves.  30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”

The iPhone Eulogy of Nancy Milani

By Andy Milani

I want to begin by thanking you for being here today, you honor my mother and our family with your presence. She meant so much to so many…

(Phone Rings)

Hello – Mom?

How can you be calling me?  What? You are in Heaven?

Wow – Yes, technology is great these days.  But we have your phone down here on earth, in fact, we gave it to dad because his old iPhone 4 wasn’t holding a charge any more – he’s still trying to learn how to use the on/off button…

Oh, you got a new iPhone? Uh huh, I see,  Steve Jobs is still in purgatory and God has him working hard to get to Heaven - what model are they up to – iPhone 8? Oh, iPhone Infinity – and never runs out of charge! Neat.

So You are still On-boarding and inprocessing? I see.

How are your Angel wings?

No wings? Its just a myth?

Ah, Rotor Blades – you know, I always thought so. How else could the Angel Gabriel have hovered over the Virgin Mary to foretell the birth of Jesus.  He would have needed more runway if he had wings…

So was the line very long? Oh, St Peter told you to get out of the Angel line? You went to the “Saint“ line?  Very short – Like TSA Precheck. We always knew you were going to be a Saint, putting up with you know who all those years…

Well mom, I’d like to talk more but I am here at your funeral mass – its really beautiful. Dad and all your kids are here, Aunt Joan, Aunt Claire and Uncle Dan, Aunt Marie, Uncle Bob, lots of friends, and I was just about to give a eulogy about you…

Pause

Uh huh, OK, you want me to tell them some things?

OK, sure.

Pause – I see.

Heaven is beautiful – it was well worth living a spiritual life and praising God in everything you did on earth.

Pause – OK

You’ve been with your mom and dad and your brother Bill and Uncle Vic?

And little Joey and Billy? That is awesome!

Pause – OK, I will tell them.

Bill and Cindy, Mom wants me to tell you that Bill and Joey said to tell you they love you very much and to thank you for the many years of loving care you gave them.

They both have new bodies and are running and playing everywhere, getting in trouble every now and again just like Bill use to.

Pause – I see, You got a new body too – yes, everyone knows you needed a new one. Ah, and no aches or pains – you haven’t had a feeling this good since you were a teenager.

Who else have you seen?

Pause – Erica and Harry? Great?

Pause to listen?

OK, I will tell her – Susan, Mom says your parents are doing great and send their love. They said they know you are doing a great job with their grandkids Gabby and Jack – and that it gives them great joy to watch you. 

Pause – OK you want to say something to each kid?

OK

Mary, mom says to tell you that you were always special to her – the first born. And she loves you very much. 

You have two very handsome sons – a tall one and a short one – both really good kids.

She wants you to tell Jason to keep following your dreams – someday it will happen. 

And that John and Kelly’s babies are beautiful – and that she is sorry that she wont’ be there in person to watch them grow, but that she will channel her love through you now that you are living in New York.

And Peggy

Pause – OK.

Peg, Mom wants me to tell you that you and Kevin always made her laugh – she knows that a great sense of humor is key to a long marriage – without it she could never have made it through the last 63 years with you know who!

Mom says that she knows your kids are the apple of your eye and that Maddie is absolutely gorgeous.  The boys have wonderful wives in Erin and Ashley.

Pause – OK.  She wants Matt and Mark to know that she told dad to break that hockey stick. Which isn’t true, but that way they won’t be afraid of their grandpa any more. And Amy, like your mother, its OK to see someone who isn't Army – they're probably smarter, unless they're a Marine.

And John?

Pause – Uh huh.

John, mom says that she wants you to know that she thinks you are wonderfully patient and compassionate.

And mom wants you to know that you married extremely well the second time, and that Debbie has been a blessing, and that she cannot thank you and Debbie enough for all that you’ve done over the past decades for her and dad. She is so very happy to have been able to spend as much time as she did with Erin, Andy and Morgan – she is so proud of them. And Erin and Chris, nanna and I will be watching over your wedding this fall.

Pause, OK – John, mom wants to talk to you. 

Hey ma – 'sup?

Andy, mom wants to let you know that its been real special for her and dad to have you and Kalina be back and nearby. She is so proud of Kate and Nick for the young adults they've become. And Andy, mom says you are her favorite son, below 6 foot.

OK,

So you want me to tell Bill and Cindy that they are Angels on earth; and that they inspired you to be a better person – wow – I can’t think of a better tribute to anyone than to have been an inspiration to someone who was, and remains, such and inspiration to so many. Bill and Cindy, mom wants you to know that she loves you very much. And Cindy, she says your Father is there and plays a lot with Billy and Joey, and in another couple light years will introduce them to Old Style beer.

And Bill, mom says to stop making fun of Dave’s and my hair.

OK, Bob.

Yeah mom, I know, Bob was a late-bloomer. 

Bob, mom wants me to tell you that she always knew you would turn out to be a great father and husband – really great.

She’s very proud of your spirituality and the Catholic faith you and Susan have embraced, and live, every day.  She says she will watch over Jack and Gabby – and ‘help’ whenever the rules of heaven allow.

Speaking of rules mom, what limits has God put on you?

Pause - Uh huh, I see. A ‘No Intervention’ rule. So there really is no hope for the Braves this year.

So how did the Cubs win last year?

Pause,

I see, even God felt sorry for the Cubs – and broke his own rule.

Ok, Dave

Yes, your baby Dave is here.

Pause.

Dave, Mom says to tell you that you and Wendy have the biggest hearts of anyone she’s known. You are compassionate and loving, you have three wonderful children who have unimaginably better lives because of you. God told mom to tell you this has not gone unnoticed – and that he will personally watch over Jacey, Jake and Keel.  He also said to tell Dave that he is sorry about the hair – he just ran out after 6.

OK Mom,

Dad is here too.

First, mom, dad wanted us to read you something he wrote.

(READ DAD's)

Pause, OK.

Dad, Mom wants you to know that she loved her life with you, your strength, your faith,  your devotion, your smile and sense of humor, but mostly your love for her.  She doesn’t have to tell you she loves you – that you know that.

Pause, OK,

Dad, mom says –

She said she saw you and John adding those shelves to the swamp, and almost reached down and knocked John off the ladder.

She says she thought about it and decided that if it makes you happy, do it, that's all she cares about.  Except no more lawn art, she's drawing the line there. And flying a plane, and sky diving, and buying a hobie and rowboat … you got that dad?

Pause, OK.  Dad, Mom says God made her 6 foot six when she got up to heaven and trained her how to play basketball, so she's ready to take on your sorry two-hand jump shot when you get to heaven in some one on one.

Pause, OK.

And to Her sisters and brother, Mom says you were my best friends and brought endless joy to my life.  She's says you know you will miss her, but please, take your time coming to see her.

Pause, OK.

And to all our friends, Mom says you inspired her and kept her strong, making her and Dad feel a true part of the community. She's says she's sorry to ask, but please continue to take care of  Jack, and if you see him wear a multi-colored suit coat, tell him it looks great on him.

Pause, OK.

Mom says the best thing about heaven is you can sleep as long and as deeply as you want. She said she's going to sleep for a while, but will always watch over all of you.

OK, we love you too, bye for now.

Obituary for Nancy Milani

Mrs. Nancy Milani of Fayetteville passed away May 14, 2017. She was preceded in death by her brother, William (Bill) Donnelly and grandsons, Billy and Joey Milani. Mrs. Milani is survived by her husband of 63 years, COL (R) John Milani of Fayetteville; children, MAJ (R) Mary E. Milani Newby of Hagerstown, MD; LTC Peggy Kuhn and her husband Kevin of Denver, CO; John Milani, Jr. and his wife Debbie of Peachtree City; COL (R) Andy N. Milani, II and his wife Kalina of Arlington, VA; LTC (R) Bill Milani and his wife Cindy of Frederick, MD; MAJ (R) Bob Milani and his wife Susan of Kennesaw; MAJ (R) Dave G. Milani and his wife Wendy of Marshfield, MA; sisters, Marie Neubauer of Panama City, FL; Joan Karl of Manahawkin, NJ; Claire Kervick and her husband Dan of Windsor Locks, CT; brother, Bob McNabb of St. Johns, Virgin Islands; grandchildren, John Newby and his wife Kelly; CPT Jason Newby; Matt Kuhn and his wife Erin; Mark Kuhn and his wife Ashley; Amy Kuhn; Erin Milani; CPT Andy Milani and his wife Morgan; Kate Milani; 2LT Nick Milani, III; Caroline Comenho; Gabby Milani; Jack Milani; Jacey Milani; Keel Milani; Jake Milani and great grandchildren, Maddie Kuhn, John Newby and Viola Newby. 

A Funeral Mass will be celebrated Saturday, May 20, 2017 at 11 o’clock at St. Matthew Catholic Church with Rev. Kevin Hargaden officiating. Interment will follow at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, VA at a later date. Those wishing may sign the online guestbook at www.parrottfuneralhome.com or leave message on Nancy's Tribute Wall.  

In lieu of flowers those desiring may make donations to Friends of Catholic Education, William and Joseph Milani Memorial Scholarship, 53 E. Patrick St., Frederick, MD 21701 or at www.friendsofcatholiced.org. The family will receive friends Friday evening from 5:00 until 6:30 p.m. with a vigil service to begin at 6:30 at Parrott Funeral Home and Crematory, 770-964-4800.

Haack'ing into my German Past

This past Saturday was remarkable!   It was the kind of day that genealogists live for. What started out as a mundane research day -- ended with an incredible story lost to time.  I felt as if I was putting flesh on the bones of my ancestors and making them live again.  I discovered once again, what incredible people walked before me ...

I first came to appreciate my father's German roots, when I went to Madonna Cemetery at Ft. Lee, New Jersey in 2006, to visit the grave of my Italian Grandfather.  I was surprised to find that his grave was just one of three side-by-side family headstones.  The middle headstone was a massive German cross with the names 'Haack and Faller' inscribed below the cross.  The last 10 years have been a quest to rediscover these two ancestral lines of my father's parents.  Here's a refresher on the genealogy:  

• My Father's (John A Milani) Parents:  Thomasine Ida Halloran &  Andrew Nicolas Milani
• Maternal Grandparents:  John J. Halloran and Mary Haack
• Maternal Great Grandparents (Halloran branch):  John O. Halloran and Margaret Meaney
• Maternal Great Grandparents (Haack branch):  John Baptiste Joseph Haack & Ida Faller
• Maternal 2x Great Grandparents:  (Haack branch):  Peter Joseph Haack & Anna Marie Walburgis Adams
• Maternal 2x Great Grandparents: (Faller branch):  Alois Faller and Clara Margaretha Weigel

Earlier this year, I detailed in this blog, that I finally located Alois Faller, my 3x great grandfather, buried in the family plot of the former President of the German Legal Aid Society of New York, Charles Hauselt, in the magnificent and historic Woodlawn Cemetery in the Bronx.  Curiously, Alois' wife Clara, was not buried with her husband at Woodlawn Cemetery.  She is buried in Madonna Cemetery along with their daughter, Ida Haack - the couple's only child.  (See also my 2006 discovery of these ancestors in the story: Eureka! Discovering our Roots in New Jersey.)

Ida Faller married a gentleman by the name of John Baptiste Joseph Haack.  They had two children, Joseph and Mary.  Joseph would become a New York City policeman.  Mary, a.k.a. Nonie, my great grandmother, would marry John J. Halloran, a plumbing contractor, of Irish descent.  Nonie was a New York City public school teacher.  

I have been curious about the first immigrant ancestors of the Milani family that came to the U.S.   I am building a database and a narrative around the essential questions of who they were, where they came from, why they came here -- where they were buried, etc.  These grandparents and great grandparents, each had their own unique story and I want to tell it.  Some were escaping revolution and tyranny, some famine, and still, others were looking for steady work in jobs ranging from stone cutter to blacksmith, and from laborer to groomsmen.  They risked all to venture across an ocean and start anew and their story of courage and perseverance deserves to be told.  

The Haack family represents an ancestral branch I knew relatively little about.  Family lore suggested that the Haacks were jewelers and had arrived from Germany in the mid-1800s, settling in New York City.  So I started there and before I knew what 'hit' me, I was finding web 'hits' all over the place revealing ancestral details that are really quite remarkable.  

Some earlier research had indicated that my 3x great-grandparents were Peter and Anna Haack -- both born in Germany.  My 2x great grandfather, their son, John Haack, was also born in Germany.  I thought I would start with Peter -- believing him to be the first immigrant to the U.S. of the Haack family.

My first hit came relatively easy.  I found Peter Haack's application for U.S. citizenship dated 8 March 1849.  Unfortunately, after many searches, I was unable to determine the timing of Peter Haack's arrival in the U.S.  Immigration and travel records on genealogy sites, detail a number of Haacks who came to the U.S. in the mid-1800s, but I couldn't find one that definitively matched by name, descendants, ship's manifest or timing -- or the exact details of Peter's family makeup or request for U.S. Citizenship.  

Peter Haack applied for U.S. citizenship on 8 March 1849.  Interestingly, his naturalization request asks that he:  "....renounce forever all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign Prince, Potentate, State of Sovereignty, whatever (love the use of 'whatever'!) and particularly to the Grand Duke of Hesse Darmstadt of whom I am a subject."  Darmstadt was the former capital of the sovereign country, the Grand Duchy of Hesse.  Today, Hesse is one of the 16 states comprising Germany.  In 1849, the Grand Duke of Hesse was Louis III.  

As I look at this map, I'm astonished to see that the city of Würzburg, where I lived as a preschooler, is only 90 miles from the home of my 2x Great Grandfather!

I do find it ironic, that Peter's citizenship application date of 8 March 1949, coincides with the revolution of 1848-49 in Germany.  I have not been able to fully research this coincidence, but his arrival is 3-5 years before that of Alois Faller, the future father-in-law of his son John Haack.  You may recall from an earlier blog post, Alois Faller was caught up in the revolution of 1848.  Incidentally, Alois appears to have arrived in the U.S. sometime between 1851 and 1853 -- so I can definitively say, it was Peter Haack, not Alois Faller, who was the first immigrant on my father's side to enter the United States.  How about that?  

'Petrus Josephus Haack' a.k.a. Peter J. Haack was born abt. 1796 in Valli Ehrenbreitstein to Joseph Haack and Catherine Maurer.  He married Anna Marie Walpurgis Adams, at St. Peter Catholic Church, Worms, Rheinhessen, Hessen, Germany, on 20 September 1831.  Anna was born in 1810 and her father was Joanne Baptiste Adams and her mother was Susannae Herzog. 

I tried to find a translation of 'Valli Ehrenbreitstein' but the word Valli does not appear to be German.  I can only surmise that it means 'valley' or was just wrongly interpreted from German to English on the genealogical site.  Ehrenbreitstein is a fortress on the mountain of the same name on the east bank of the Rhine opposite the town of Koblenz.  

Could Peter Haack have been born in the same town that Herman Mellville mentions in his book Moby Dick?  

 "...this pulpit, I see, is a self-containing stronghold -- a lofty Ehrenbreitstein..."

or in Mellville's book, Pierre: 

 'As the vine flourishes, and the grape empurples close up to the very walls and muzzles of cannoned Ehrenbreitstein; so do the sweetest joys of life grow in the very jaws of its perils.'

Peter Haack was granted U.S. citizenship on 24 Oct 1855.  I was able to confirm this citizenship card below, with Peter Haack's actual citizenship application from 1849.  Unfortunately, I was unable to establish his port of entry and arrival date in the U.S.   As you can see -- both entries are blank on this card and his application does not ask for this information.  

I was unsuccessful in finding the Haacks on the 1850 U.S. Census or the 1855 New York State Census.  I tried every letter combination for the word -- from Heck to Haacke -- but no luck finding a Peter Haack.  Moving on to 1860, the U.S. Census listed 5 Haacks living together in New York City, with Peter and Anna as the head of the household, along with three children ranging from 20 to 28 years old   ... and guess what Peter's occupation was?  Jeweler!  Found him! 

• Peter Haack, Age 60, Jeweler, with a personal estate valued at $3000 (about $88,000 today in relative value).  
• Anna Haack, Age 50
• John Haack, Age 28, Jeweler, with a personal estate valued at $75
• Anna Haack, Age 24
• Josephine Haack, Age 20

Confirming his profession as a jeweler, I then researched the name 'Haack' and paired it with 'Jewelry' in my search engine and came up with a few postings in the New York City directories.  I didn't find anything on the Haacks in the Trow's City Directory, 1848, but in Dogget's City Directory, 1849-1850 -- Eureka!   Peter J. Haack was a jeweler at 110 W Broadway.  

Intrigued by this finding, I wondered what other city directories might hold?  That's when things started to get interesting.  Here is a listing from Trow's City Directory, 1857, for John and Peter Haack, apparently both were 'beer' brewers at 685 Broadway.  My 2x and 3x great grandfathers brewed and sold their own beer?  Now that's mud in your eye!  Keep in mind too -- that John is only 23 years old!  I wonder what they named their brew?  I can think of all kinds of fun names using the word Haack!  

Unfortunately, I could not find a city directory prior to 1857, so I'm not sure when they started in the beer business, but I do know that by 1859, they were no longer selling beer.  In 1859, I found this listing that only includes Peter Haack -- not John Haack:  

As you can see Peter Haack, was a jeweler in business by himself.  But by 1860, Peter and his John were back in business this time at 82 White Street at Haack & Son Jewelers.  Now that's pretty cool.  So John had taken up the family business!  I found a similar listing for 1862 as well.  The following image is from Trow's City Directory, 1860:

But by 1865, father and son were no longer in business together.  The Trow's City Directory, 1865, lists only Peter Haack; there is no mention of John Haack.  Did John leave New York?  Did he strike out on his own -- and if so why?  What happened?  Did he serve in the Civil War after all he would have been 27 years old when the war broke out?  Questions, questions!  

At this point, I lose track of Peter.  In 1865, Peter is now 65 years old.  I think he has either retired or has passed away, but to verify this point I go back to the genealogy websites and start searching again for Peter.  I begin too to start looking for family members and especially his wife, Anna.  

I then find a directory entitled: Jersey City, New Jersey, City Directory,1869.  I find a 'Peter Haack' at 121 Bloomfield Avenue, Hoboken.  Now, the city of Hoboken is literally across the river from Manhattan.  This has to be my 3x Great Grandfather -- but I cannot find anything that will verify that this is him.  In fact, I find no further trace of Peter Haack.  (This is my next big genealogical search!)

Back to John Haack. This is where the story twists.  John resurfaces in the 1870 city directory as a jeweler.  But as I looked at the line just below his name, I see that he is now in business in the jewelry firm of  Haack & Diolot at 8 John Street, New York City.  Now, this is interesting!   I decided to pair the two names together and do an internet search and the result -- well -- I almost fell out of my chair.  

Who is Diolot??  An internet search turns up a Saintemme Diolot, a Frenchman who was a jeweler and an inventor.  Apparently, he and his partner, John Haack, patented a jewelry piece together -- a scarf ring!  Who knew?  I went to the U.S. Patent Office website and after a little searching I found this:

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Now honestly, I have to admit, that I don't know anything about ring scarfs. The object of the invention was:  

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Now that is pretty cool.  But it gets even better ...

As I was researching additional information on Haack & Diolot, I came across this interesting publication: Patent Models Index, Guide to the Collections of the National Museum of American History, Smithsonian Institution, Volume 2:  Listings by Inventor and Residence of Inventory, by Barbara Suit Janssen.  

Excerpted from this publication:

The Purpose of Patent Models

For most of the nineteenth century, the Patent Office required inventors to submit a model with their patent application. Inventors placed great importance on their models and viewed a well-executed model as the key element in obtaining a patent. The inventor would often hire a professional model maker to turn a two-dimensional paper drawing into a three-dimensional miniature machine. The inventor might also turn to other skilled craftsmen, such as blacksmiths, watchmakers, or cabinetmakers, to fabricate models. 

In the second half of the nineteenth century, the U.S. Patent Office Model Room and its four halls showcasing thousands of models was of common interest for researchers as well as a popular destination for inventors, the curious public, and manufacturers seeking helpful mechanical inventions. To the inventor, the idea of investors and manufacturers studying his or her patent model offered great incentive to craft a striking, handsome model that would stand out on the crowded Model Room shelves. Stereoviews of the Patent Office Halls of seemingly endless rows of cabinets filled with models were a popular Washington, D.C., photographic souvenir.

The patent model collections found their present home in 1964 with the opening of the National Museum of History and Technology (now the National Museum of American History).  

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Guess what invention is in the National Museum of American History?  That's right -- the Haack & Diolot Scarf-Ring!!  In the Guide to the Listing by Inventor, on page 62, of the Patent Models Index, you'll find this:  

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Saintemme Diolot would partner with my great grandfather at Haack & Diolot from 1870 until 1882.  Saintemme would be awarded another patent in 1874 for an "improvement in ornamental chains or necklaces."  In 1883, they went their separate ways.  John Haack would move just down the street (I believe still in the same building that had many storefronts) to 16 John Street, Siantemme would stay at 8 John St.  After researching many of the city directories from 1870 - 1899, I compiled the matrix below showing the different work and home addresses of John Haack and Saintemme Diolot:

One of the benefits of finding these New York City directories is seeing both the work and home addresses of my ancestors.  Remember that up to this point I had not been able to definitively prove that the 'Peter Haack' (my 3x great grandfather) living in Hoboken, was my great grandfather.  I was able to prove this definitively when I found the Trow's New York City Directory, 1872, as it listed the address for John Haack as the same address for Peter Haack at 121 Bloomfield, Hoboken, New Jersey.  Eureka! 

I am always amazed at the power of the internet -- how I can sit in the comfort of my home office and access information all over the world.  As I was researching the name 'Saintemme Diolot' I came across a New York Times article dated 7 September 1885.  When I read it -- I slumped in my chair -- my mouth agape.  Three years removed from a partnership with my 2x great grandfather, with his business suffering, Saintemme had taken his own life.  The article below, it mentions that Saintemme wanted to be doubly sure his suicide was successful.  He had finished off a bottle of laudanum -- which is opium -- and then shot himself in the breast in the "woods midway between King's bridge and Fordham."  He left a wife and a child behind.  

  

I wonder how Saintemme's suicide affected my 2x great-grandfather?  How had their business been doing before they dissolved their partnership?  What was the reason the two jewelers went their separate ways?  Was John Haack the stable force that kept Saintemme Diolot grounded and successful?  Unfortunately, all we know is that John Haack continued in the jewelry trade -- apparently, and as we shall find out, very successfully, and for many years -- without another partner.

What do we know about John Haack?  Research has shown that John's full name was:  John Baptiste Joseph Haack.  While John was partnered with Saintemme Diolot in the jewelry business, he married Ida Alexandra Faller, my 2x great grandmother on 29 Nov 1874, at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Hoboken, New Jersey.  Ida was the only child and daughter of Alois and Clara Faller.  Ida would gain her naturalization in 1895.  They would go on to have two children, a son and my great grandmother, Maria (Nonie) Haack, on 20 Aug 1875 -- almost 9 months from the day of their wedding, (must have been a helluva wedding night!) and Josef Franz Peter Haack in 1887.  Obviously, the difference in age of 12 years between the two children begs the question of whether the couple had trouble conceiving a second child or they took time out after Nonie?   For what it is worth, I heard she was a handful!  My source will remain anonymous :).  

Part of what compelled me to want to explore the Haacks in more detail was this email comment from my Aunt Nancy Milani (formerly married to my dad's brother Don Milani), who describes the Haacks:

Tuesday, 10/21/2003  8:35:14 PM Eastern Daylight Time:

"Mom's grandfather (Note:  Aunt Nancy is referring actually to Thomasine Halloran Milani's great grandfather Peter Haack) was thrown out of Germany in 1849, along with Richard Wagner, for trying to start the National Socialist Party.  He came to New York and was a partner in big jewelry store, Black, Starr and Frost.  He was a diamond cutter and a fabulous pianist.  Don did a paper on this subject of his great-grandfather, with the assistance of Nonie ... remember, she was a wonderful pianist and multi-lingual. I wish I knew where the paper was today.  Mom (Thomasine Milani) used to refer to it frequently.  She said when Nonie married John Halloran, the old man Haack (John Haack) stood outside St. Patrick's Cathedral pounding on the locked door with his walking stick, screaming:  "You vill not marry a Gottdamned Irishmun!!" (sic)  Nonie's brother was Joseph and he lived with Don and Jack's family.  Nonie's father never forgave "Uncle Joe" for becoming a NYC cop."  

It is true that Richard Wagner was advancing the cause of Socialism in the Dresden uprisings from May 3-9, during the revolution of 1849.  Because of Wagner's role at Dresden, an arrest warrant was issued in his name and he took a flight to Switzerland where he was exiled.  Unfortunately, through all my research on the Revolution of 1848-49, I could find no reference to Peter Haack or his relationship to Richard Wagner.  

It is also true that Mary 'Nonie' Haack and John J. Halloran were married in Manhattan.  But it is unclear if they were married at St. Patrick's Cathedral.  (I will follow up on this!)   I can verify too that Nonie did, in fact, marry a Gottdamned Irishmun and their daughter Thoma married a Gottdamned Guinea too!   I wonder what John Haack would say to that?

And I now come to the end of the story.  I am grateful that God gave me a mind that loves problem-solving -- and genealogy is just that.  It requires a dedication to hard, tedious, methodical, analytical, and logical thinking. It's this kind of thinking and diligence that has revealed to me many genealogical gems.  It's this diligence that paid off in a big way.  I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post that I had paired the words 'Haack and jewelry' together.  Sometimes a search engine responds more favorably to word pairings than it does to single word searches.   And this past Saturday, well all I can say is:  "Oh my God!!"  

I came across a publication entitled:  The Jeweler's Circular, October 25, 1922, a jewelry trade magazine.  In the publication, on page 89, I found the obituary of John B. J. Haack, my 2x great grandfather!  Low and behold -- for the first time in my life I saw a picture of him.  He lived 88 years and worked in the jewelry profession for over 70 years!  He was a diamond broker and then turned to pearls "and he became well known for his knowledge of the gem and for his ability to polish and improve it.   For many years he was probably the only pearl improver in the trade in the east and continued in this business until some years ago when he again became a broker."  He remained active in the business until sadly, his wife Ida passed in 1908.  Both are buried at Madonna Cemetery under the big German cross simply marked 'Faller - Haack.'   What an incredible story.  Rest in peace John and Ida Haack. 

Next up:  Find Anna and Peter Haack's gravesite.